


The miles you've gone ( just to start again)

by shadesofzayn



Category: One Direction (Band), Zayn Malik (Musician)
Genre: M/M, Meeting Again, Memories, Moving On, Mutual Pining, Nostalgia, Pining Harry, Pining Zayn, Short One Shot, gigi kendall kylie are just mentioned, harry is too hurt, lovers to strangers, more than friends less than lovers, zayn is hurt too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-25
Updated: 2016-03-25
Packaged: 2018-05-29 00:45:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6352150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadesofzayn/pseuds/shadesofzayn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They were never quite the perfect match, Harry knows, but they still burned out too fast.</p><p>Or the one where Harry and Zayn were never a thing -except they both know they were.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The miles you've gone ( just to start again)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [writeivywrite](https://archiveofourown.org/users/writeivywrite/gifts).



> I don't even know.. I'm just too emotional. Title from Rear view by Zayn. 
> 
> Also this work is a gift to Writeivywrite, cause i might not know you but your works make me feelall kind of feelings and this is a thank you.

The thing is, Harry doesn't know how it all began. They were Harry and Zayn, then suddenly they were HarryandZayn. It was crazy how close they got after that one night in the bungallow where they shared a bed and knew -just knew- that this wasn't just friendly. That the content feeling at the bottom of their stomach whenever they're around each other couldn't be random. Harry felt it, Zayn did too.

Now as he sits at some posh house, on a posh couch with all those posh people surrounding him, he's not sure he'll be able to ever feel anything at all anymore. 

****

Zayn tries to convice himself he's not hurting. That he's over whatever the hell they had and that having a blond leggy girlfriend sucking him off every weekend is enough not to miss him. He doesn't wish he was twisting chestnut curls between his fingers instead of holding onto silky blond hair, he doesnt, really -except he does. 

Zayn's first reflex was to fly out of america after bailing out of tour. He wanted to be the furthest possible from the fans, from the flashes, from the boys and especially from him. He was too afraid that if he looked him right in the eye that day he'd stay, give all his plans of leaving up and just stay. Cause that's what Harry had said that night, when Zayn called him to tell him he's done with it all, he remained quite for a while before whispering one single word, his voice cracking right at the end: stay.

****

Harry hears it from kendall the day they hang out on a yacht. She brings it up casually bragging about how cool the song was. How caring Zayn is towards Jelena since he didn't want anyone else in the video with him. They both know she's just trying to let him know that if he was ever to release a solo video, she has to be on it. Promo and all. Harry just shrugs and zones out. Of course he'd seen the music video. It was almost impossible not to since it's everywhere. He pretended that the tug at his heart was just because he hadn't seen Zayn other than in paparazzi shots in a long time, but he ain't fooling himself, the kiss did hurt. It had been a ten months and twenty four days since he last held Zayn, kissed him and actually heard him talk.

It's his fault Zayn doesn't try anymore. Harry's aware he's the one Zayn is talking about in all his interviews. He's the one he's been calling for four months after the 25th of march, the one he left about a hundred voicemails to, the one who never picks up and the one who eventually changed his number after he almost gave in when he heard Zayn crying over the phone, muffed sobs, slurring after too many drinks and begging to be fogiven.

****

It's been a year and Zayn is BUZZING. He can hear his pulse in his ears. Everything went on smoothly, and he can't believe how far he's made it. Today his first album is out. And for the very first time he's actually proud of himself. A work coming straight from his heart, something he wrote and sang and worked so hard on is topping the charts and he can't quite believe it's happening: that he's finally getting the recognition he deserves. He's feeling on top of the world and more than anything he's feeling grateful for all these people out there loving him and supporting him without judging. At least he's got that now.

He humble, just like his mamma and dad taught him to be. But that night he can't help but smile as he falls asleep alone yet another night: He's a little boy from Bradford and he's smashing it. 

 

****

Harry is ... Harry doesn't really know what he is at the moment. He's lost. Tonight is the first night he's going out in a long time and it's with Kendall. It's Jelena's birthday and he had to be there because a big show is coming for Kendall and she needs a bit of gossip to have all eyes on her even when it's not her night. Harry is just a tool, really. 

There's one question nagging at the back of his mind: would he be there ? Harry isn't stupid. Of course he wouldn't miss his Girlfriend's party. But he can't help but feel scared although a part of him is excited. He knows he fucked it all up already, but maybe just ... Maybe he'll get to at least say sorry. Maybe it's not too late. Lately, everything is dull and tasteless. He has friends, but friendship in the show biz is just another name for mutual promo and Harry has got enough of that. Zayn may have been the closest thing to a lover Harry's ever had but he was a friend too. When Harry needed a shoulder to cry on, or a bit of fun with shitty fifa games Zayn was a friend. He was a constant. Maybe he could still be that. Cause lately -more like a year- Harry's been waking up alone and he didn't wanna say it out loud that he was lonely, but right now he really needed someone to love, someone to love him back. He needed a friend.

 

****

Zayn is nervous. His hands are sweating, his mind is a mess of "I miss you"s, "I love you"s and "why did you do that to me?"s and he just can't think straight anymore, not that the blunt he's just had is helping anyhow. Gigi's been nice, she's so so kind to him, always careful not to pronounce the name he doesn't wanna hear, always there to make sure he's okay when she knows she's left him alone for too long. She's not blind, she can tell he doesn't love her as much as he want to. She can tell it's not her on his thoughts when he drifts off to the distance or to sleep. She knows. And somehow she's okay with it. She plays along, she loves him when he needs her to and she's not insistent when she knows he only want one person around -someone he can't have. She's everything Perrie wasn't and they're happy. He's genuinely happy because at least he doesnt have to fake the smiles and the touchs anymore. He does like her. Just not as much as he loves him.

 

****

 

The music is blasting in the dark room. He finds himself singing along because -yes this is a song by Zayn, his sinful voice repeating that nobody could love him like he would and he believes it because he knows it is true. 

Kendall is off with Kylie and her new boyfriend -she broke up with Tyga when she caught him with some other girl in her car and he's suddenly alone and too scared to move because he can't risk to see him, can't risk a reaction he wouldn't want the entier world to see.

****

Zayn is sitting with Abel, they're sipping some shit ass chamagne and talking about their new song -the one Zayn wrote and Abel loved too much to decline a colab. Gigi is now with Kendall hugging and laughing at something she murmurs in her ear. She's beautiful. He can't deny it but he finds himself looking at the crowd searching for one single face that he knows he needs to see again. 

He gives up when after three other cups he still hasn't succeded and he stands up deciding to call it a night when it happens. There's a hand on his shoulder right as he reaches the bottom of the stairs leading out of the club and into the bar. Zayn feels it before he sees it, he just knows it's him. And when he turns around to face a pair of green eyes on a worried almost scared face he can't help but let out a sigh of relief. 

He might have made the wolrd think he doesn't care anymore but he does. Zayn cares very much about Harry and he might be mad at him and hurt and everything close but Harry reached out. He's a bit late but he finally reached out and a smile tugs at Zayn's lips before he can stop it. 

He's being easy, too easy. But he's always been easy for Harry, he's always been a fool for him.

He finds that he doesn't mind being a fool once more. He loves it.

****

" Let's head out, yeah ?" 

Harry doesn't say anything, just nods a bit like he hadn't expected it to go that smoothly and follows his lead. 

He can't help but reach for Zayn's hand as they walk down the empty corridors. This time he's not willing to let go.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed it, make sure you let me know.


End file.
